What ever next

So nobody speaks english at the Foreigners Police, and it appears that they do not know their own address yet. I didn't want to wait too long before I went to sort out collect my permanent residency permit from the new offices so at the beginning of this week Petra kindly telephoned the Olsanska offices to check the address of the new offices for EU citizens. The address is given as 188 Konevova Ulice, so no problem, I locate it on the map, and log it into my sat nav just to double up. I set out in the morning first on the metro then a short walk and a trip on tram number 9. I get off and realise after checking the number on the nearest building that I could actually have stayed on for a few more stops because I was down around number 40 Konevova. Being that I can't be bothered to wait for trams I set off walking up the road, unfortunately it was a long road, and it took a while. As I approached number 188 I started to get a bad feeling, the sort you get when you realise you are on a wild goose chase. I had no problem finding the address, but the foreigners police were not there, to make sure, I sneaked into the house and climbed every flight of stairs to the top and checked the name plates on all the doors. They definitely were not there. So I called Petra and tried to explain that the address the FP had given was not correct, but this kind of thing doesn't really sink in with Petra so she just kept telling me that they must be there, and that I should walk around the block and find another entrance, I am not the most patient of people and as I was standing at the address and knew well enough that walking around the block would be futile I set about admonishing Petra. A further 5/6 phone calls later between myself/Petra and the FP we still had the advice that their address was 188 Konenvova street. Petra looked it up on the map (internet) and said that I should walk down to a different location and she gave me the name of 2 other streets that should be either side of the address I was looking for. I trotted off back down the road and mumbled to myself as I went, the sort of things I could not really repeat here, you see the thing is, I was also busting for a nature break (needed the toilet) and for once I could not find a public convenience, therefore it was rather an 'inconvenience', and saying I needed to go is as understated as saying there is a little trouble in Iraq right now. When I arrived at the second location I still didn't get the cookie. However, just to make sure that I would not be sorry later I walked around the block on both sides of the road, to no avail. During one of the telephone calls to Petra she told me that the location of the FP was shared by a supermarket Delvita and GE Money Bank, in my wisdom I decided to locate these and see it if brought me any closer to the finishing post. Having walked another kilometre down the road past where I had first disembarked the tram, I started to understand that I was getting warmer, no me personally, but as in closer to the destination. I found both the Delvita and GE Money Bank, and within a minute the entrance to the FP. Hooray! by the way, the number of the building is 32! As I said earlier, they don't appear to know their own address.

Inside I found the 3rd floor and realised another moment of despair, manifesting itself as an enormous amount of people also filling the offices. I noticed that the FP were using the same system that we see in the Posta and some insurance offices to keep people in order. You have to go to a machine, make a selection and wait in line with your ticket which has a number on it to give the order in which you will be seen. Ironically the machine has only Czech language descriptions you can choose from even though these offices are specifically for foreigners and EU ones at that. You would have thought that with todays technology the machine could have allowed you to make a selection from a few different languages, such the type you see to withdraw money at banks or to buy train tickets at stations. However, the FP do not want to make this easy for us in any way. I pressed the informace button which anyone can guess is information, after this I called Petra again and read the other buttons to her to ask if I should make another selection, and I could, so I pressed that button and after again reading the ticket to Petra, I felt like assaulting someone, because the ticket for my selection basically said 'we can't help you today, come back another day'. It had taken me about 3 hours to find this place and get within a half hour of speaking to someone and the ticket was telling me to go away.

I decided to stay in queue and speak to someone at information, especially as I was armed with the letters that they had sent me instructing me to collect within 10 days or else! Eventually I was at the front of the queue and simply handed my letter to the lady, who read it briefly and told me "moment" in Czech and wandered off to a colleague. On returning she pointed to another desk and said "dvacet devet" which I understand as 29, I said thank you and wandered over to number 29. So I had hope that I might get somewhere, and just then a girl promptly took my letter grabbed some papers and started tapping away on her computer, I stupidly thought it might be easier if I struck up a throw away conversation with her just to lighten her day, as the look on her face told me she was having a shit one. I just said 'wow, it seems like everyone in here wants an argument' to which she immediately replied, "I don't speak english, I speak only Czech' of course she said this in Czech! I actually felt embarrassed so just said "pardon" in my best Czech accent, then continued to look all around the room and anywhere except at the girl. After just a moment more she shoved papers in front of me and said 'podpis tady' which I understand to be sign here, I complied and then again on another, then offered her my passport when she asked for it (potrebuji pas). She pointed to the chairs behind me and said 'moment' and as I am catching on quickly I know that I have to go and sit down and wait a little longer. She returns to her desk with an older guy, who I saw around the office earlier who indicates that I should step forward again. Feeling hopeful I walk at pace over to them, for him to say, 'come back tomorrow morning' IN CZECH! I don't even know why at this point but don't even have the energy to try and ask why. I simply say thank you and walk out.

Well the next morning I returned and in just a few minutes the girl spotted me and summoned me to her desk, and amazingly with just a couple more signatures she handed me my brand new permanent residency permit. YES, the saga is finished. Well for 3 years anyway.